Storm Clouds
by 2Padfoot00Moony7
Summary: What happens when the storm breaks? Will it all be over - or will it never end? [Slight RLSB] A story in which Remus Lupin is forced into the open and how Sirius Black must confront his own self.
1. Chapter 1

**Just a fic I found on my computer whilst cleaning up files. I must say, the way in which James has been portrayed is... interesting. See what you think, anyway. Or perhaps, bare with him until the end. Should be a three part-er. It was originally written as a one-shot so no clean chapter breaks I'm afraid**  
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**Enjoy!**

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Remus was sat on his bed in the dorm, a book slipping from between his fingers as he stared listlessly out of the window. Dark clouds, hanging low and pregnant had been gathering steadily all day, their heavy bellies seemingly scraping the top of the trees. Remus could just feel it in the air – the static; the pent up energy and electricity that always preceded a storm and always called up the wolf inside of him. He was waiting, almost impatiently, for the dollops of rain to start falling and add their dark beauty to the scene.

The door was pushed back and it bounced on its hinges. Remus winced, already feeling the calm the storm had instilled in him slipping away. There was a party on downstairs – the older students were celebrating the end of their exams and the rest of them were just joining in – and Remus had expected to be left alone for most of the night. Or at least, he'd been depending on it.

His eyes automatically flashed to the figure stood in the doorway, confirming what he already knew, before they went back to devouring the impending storm.

Sirius walked straight in and collapsed on the end of Remus' bed, mouth already quirked in a theatrical pout. His robes had long since been discarded, the sleeves of his shirt rolled up and the front of it unbuttoned to his belly. His tie was dangling off one shoulder, and his normally perfect hair was looking just a little mussed. His eyes were larger than normal and the stench of alcohol washed over Remus, making his nostrils flare.

"Whatcha doing up here, Moony?" Sirius asked, sounding surprisingly sober. His hands were behind his head, causing his shirt to gape and reveal more love-bitten skin beneath it. "There's a party downstairs you know."

Remus raised an eyebrow – the thumping bass of the music alone was enough to tell him that, never mind the frequent yells and shouts making their way up the stairs. "So what're you doing up here?" he retorted.

Sirius shrugged – an overly dramatic gesture that caused his entire body to move. "Thought I'd come and check on you. You didn't seem too happy earlier?"

It was Remus' turn to shrug. In all honesty, he didn't want to talk about it – and he wasn't sure where he'd even begin. There were so many different factors in Remus' life, so many different mixes and concoctions that he wasn't sure where _he _was in it all. The exams had drained him, taking all his effort and energy and leaving him raw to the effects of the moon and his – his _other _problem.

Sirius frowned at him, pushing himself up so he was on eye-level with Remus. "Remus...?"

Remus shook his head, fingers tightening automatically on his book. "Just- Just leave it."

"Was it-" Sirius tongue darted out and whetted his lips in an uncharacteristic nervous gesture. Remus just found himself staring at Sirius' lips. "What she said, Moony – was it true?"

Remus clenched his teeth together and looked away. His eyes soon found his window and the mass of growing storm-clouds. "I _said _leave it."

Sirius teetered there, on the end of his bed. For a just a moment, he looked as though he was going to reach out and take Remus' hand and insist some more but then he sat back. His eyes were just a little tighter than before, a little less relaxed. He stood back up and nodded once. "Okay," he said simply. "But I think – I think you should know that she's down there now-" he jerked his head in the direction of the door to the stairwell, "-and she's not being nice, Moony."

Remus didn't react. He wasn't quite sure what Sirius expected him to do – go down and start another argument so she could scream more stupid rumours for the whole school to hear? – so he just kept staring at the storm. He had such an urge to go outside, to stand beneath the open, bleeding sky and feel the raw magnitude of its energy. But Sirius was still stood there watching him, hands on his hips and gaping shirt revealing even more of his chest. Thrown half in shadow, he looked incredible. The features of his face had been both sharpened and softened by the shadows and his body looked taut and smooth.

Remus shut his eyes. He needed to escape desperately. Sirius stood there for another minute or so before he turned rather sharply and stalked off back downstairs. Remus exhaled roughly, not realising he'd been holding his breath.

After the morning-argument with Clarrissa, his friends had been a little – off – with him. None of them seemed quite certain how to react and so the conversation had been a little strained all day and the tension had taken its toll on Remus.

Deciding he'd had enough of the claustrophobic atmosphere inside, he got up.

The noise of the party grew louder and louder, the screams and shouts becoming almost deafening, the music a heavy thumping that bit into his ears as he descended the stairs. He'd barely put one foot down in the Common Room when there was a horde of drunken people surrounding him.

Sirius and James were there, pushing their way to the front to stand by their friend. Clarrissa was there, eyes narrowed as she glared at him. The entire House seemed to be there, shouting abuse and questions and names towards him.

He lifted both his hands and pressed them tightly over his ears, flinching away from the verbal stones. For a moment, he almost followed the instinct to curl up on the ground before he managed to get control of it and stand more steadily on his shaking legs.

Somebody dimmed the music, and the voices melded into one, taking over its place. But then the voices stopped too, and there was only one boy talking – a seventh year, Remus seemed to recall – that was rather large and bulky. "So come on then, you little fag, what's the truth?" he was saying.

James and Sirius had made their way to his side, Peter just behind them. Sirius was holding back a little, Remus noted with a heavy heart, whereas James and Peter were each gripping one of his arms. Remus swallowed dryly, mouth hanging open as his heart raced.

There was a painful silence which he was expected to fill but could find neither the words nor the will. The boy's face turned into a cruel smirk. "So you _are _a fag then?" He snorted, "You're not denying it after all. Fucking queer-"

"I don't know who the _fuck _you're calling queer, Jamie Johnson," Sirius snarled, cutting him off. His voice was odd – taught with tension on Remus' behalf and yet strangely dismissive as though none of this really mattered. His fists were clenched tightly by his sides and he was stood directly between Remus and Jamie, back straight and nose up in the air. Remus was starting to feel vaguely light-headed. "I've seen the way you watch us change after Quidditch," Sirius was saying, voice soft and telling him to _back off,_ "If anybody's the disgusting pervert, it's _you." _

The effect was instantaneous. At the same time Jamie grabbed for Sirius' throat, James swung his wand up and held it steadily between Jamie's eyes. "Try it," he whispered, "Just _try _it." A drop of sweat slid down Remus' back as his breath came out in short, sharp gasps. _One beat of his heart..._James didn't relax, the wand didn't quiver._ Two... _Jamie's eyes flicked nervously towards Remus. His hands twitched._ Three..._

Jamie backed off.

James lowered his wand reluctantly, still glaring at Jamie. "Anybody else want to try it?" Sirius snapped at the watching crowd, eyes roaming amongst them, "Because I can assure you I'm in the mood for a fight right now."

Remus was all but panting, his shirt damp and his hair sticking to his forehead. His legs felt weak and his entire body was trembling. There was nothing he could do as Peter and James turned him round and marched him back upstairs with Sirius bringing up the rear.

They set him down on his bed and then took a couple of steps back, arms folded and mouths set in tight lines. Remus glanced once towards the window – the storm was still building – and then back towards his friends. "Thanks," he said, voice hoarse and raspy, "I froze."

"That wasn't for your benefit," James said coldly – and it was like an arrow to Remus' heart, "That was to stop a decent bloke like Jamie from getting in trouble."

The ember of hope that had started burning inside Remus' chest when his friends had saved him suddenly died. He was engulfed by the cold, wrapped in its embrace as he struggled away from it. His eyes flicked between all three of them, getting wider and wider and more and more panicked. "What?" he said weakly, not at all surprised when his voice shook and almost broke.

"Tell me what Clarrissa is saying is a lie," James said. He looked so angry, eyes glinting the way they did when he was hexing Snape. "Tell me you're not –" his nose wrinkled in disgust, "_one of them."_

Remus couldn't help but stare at him, hands clutching at the duvet beneath him. He was shaking now, his frail shoulders threatening to collapse in on him, his heart beating so, _so _fast. His world was breaking. "_James..." _he whispered, tears welling up in his eyes, "_Prongs..."_

James took a disgusted step back, Peter copying him. Sirius was stood near the door, not that Remus noticed, his hands on his hips and a blank expression on his face. "You can't even deny it," James spat, "Gods, she was right! And to think – to _think _we let you _sleep _in here!"

"James, it's not like that-" Remus hated the whine in his voice, he hated the way tears were making tracks down his cheeks and how he couldn't even meet James' eyes. "_Please..."_

"You _disgust _me, Remus," James said, his lip curling, "I don't want anything to do with a pervert like _you."_

Peter was nodding along, but he looked uncomfortable. Sirius was just blank. Remus bit down on his bottom lip, blood welling immediately, in a bid to stop the pained sobs from escaping. He'd waited so long to hear those words, expected to hear them when they found out he was a werewolf that he hadn't really, _really _considered what they would mean. His eyes were screwed up tight, head bowed as tears dripped steadily off his chin and his chest heaved painfully.

"Come on, Wormtail, we're going. I don't wanna spend another minute looking at a _pouf." _There was the sound of retreating footsteps and then the opening and closing of the door. There was a brief murmur and then a cruel laugh before the voices drifted away.

"He doesn't mean it. He's just- he's just shocked and angry, Rem."A gentle hand wiped the tears off his cheek and tipped his head up. Remus opened his eyes slowly as the bed dipped beneath him and somebody sat down. "Why didn't you tell us?"

He found Sirius staring back at him, sober as the day he was born and looking troubled. "_I_ did it for you, by the way," he told Remus, "I wouldn't ever let that bastard Jamie touch you, and Prongs knows he wouldn't either." He smiled rather sadly, lips stretching out of habit rather than emotion. "Look, I don't – I don't care. My parents thought it was like – like the devils trap or something," he laughed softly, lowering his hand and taking Remus'. He squeezed it reassuringly, willing Remus to understand that he wasn't alone. "And if my parents thought it was wrong, then I can assure you that it most definitely isn't."

Remus did smile at that, his lips quirking. Sirius moved a little closer to him and put an arm around his shoulder. "Aren't you worried about falling out with James?" Remus asked bitterly, trying to scoot away. He sniffed loudly and wiped his nose on the back of his hand.

"No," Sirius said hotly, arm clamping down around Remus, "He can't half be a pompous bastard sometimes. He's acting like a twat, Rem, I don't give a shit about what he thinks right now."

The fight left Remus then. The pain and acceptance he'd been struggling with all day suddenly snapped free of its chains and Remus found himself pressing his face into Sirius' chest. Everything hurt. His whole body felt bruised and drained as though James' attack had been physical too. Sirius wrapped another arm around him and just held him there in a tight embrace. They were quiet, the two of them, for some time. Remus' tears were a silent testament to his pain and Sirius was staring out of the window opposite Remus' bed and wondering when the storm would hit. It was going to be big, he could tell, the magic that permeated Hogwarts seemed charged and fiery and he wondered, briefly, if that had something to do with everybody's heated state.

Sometime later, after the damp spot on Sirius' shirt was at least the size of a Quidditch hoop, Remus pulled away. "I'm sorry," he muttered, gesturing towards said damp patch. He pushed his hair out of his face and rubbed his reddened eyes. Sirius was watching him, waiting for Remus to say something. He'd offered to be there earlier, he'd offered Remus a shoulder to cry on and a person to confide in. All he could do was hope Remus would take him up on it. Remus sighed suddenly, blowing out the air with a surprising fierceness. "What the hell am I going to do, Padfoot?"

Sirius shrugged. "Run away and join the circus?" he joked, "You can be the wolf-man and I'll be his trusty side-kick."

Remus laughed slightly. His face lightened at the gesture, his shoulders got a little less hunched and Sirius knew he was going to be okay. "Oh, yeah. I'm sure that'll solve _everything._" He sighed again. "Why are you still here, Sirius?"

"Because you need somebody."

Remus met his steady gaze. "I would've thought you were the last person on earth who would offer me that."

Sirius whetted his lips in a nervous gesture – for the second time that night. "I've grown up, Rem. I'm not stupid enough to believe that sexuality is the be all and end all of a person." He touched Remus' cheek softly, "And to be honest? I had my suspicions." Remus' mouth fell open and Sirius could read the panic in his eyes. "I – I don't care."

A faint blush bled into Sirius' cheeks and Remus' eyes widened. Searching Sirius' face for any sign of joking – and finding none – his eyebrows rose. "Are you telling me that you're-?"

"No. No. _No._ I've – _experimented – _but I'm not – not _fully _anyway." Sirius' blush grew more pronounced as he admitted to those nights he'd promised he'd never breathe a word about. "What Clarrissa was saying. Is that true?"

Remus seemed to find his feet rather interesting. Hitting them on the side of the bed, he jerked his shoulders. Looking down, he imagined he could see them all underneath the floorboards, passing drinks around and comments about him and everything Clarrissa had started. He imagined he could hear their insults and name-calling, hear their plans to beat him up. "No," he said eventually, bringing his eyes back up to meet Sirius', "It's not."

"Then how-?"

"I kept calling her the wrong name," Remus admitted eventually. "Just once or twice. Never when we were-" he blushed, the red stain spreading down the back of his neck, "but just in conversation or when – when she made the odd comment. It was enough to hurt her, I guess."

"So who-?"

Remus wondered if he was imagining the faint trace of jealously to Sirius' voice or if it was actually possible that the animagus felt it. The atmosphere changed suddenly and Remus was on his feet immediately, staring out of the window. The rain had started, the static in the air had shifted slightly when it broke. "Let's go outside," he suggested, glancing back towards Sirius, "Let's just go outside."

Sirius took his outstretched hand and the two of them darted out of the door and further up the stairs and towards the roof. The wind hit them immediately, a strong, wild gale that whipped their hair and clothes around them and then there was the rain; heavy, huge dollops of icy-cold water that had them soaked in seconds. The air was charged and vibrant and _clean, _the sky that beautiful murky colour that always seemed so deep and _angry._

Hands clasped together, Sirius and Remus laughed, pretending to dance on the top of the tower. It occurred to neither of them that it would've taken the tiniest slip to fall to their death, or how bizarre their behaviour was.

Or they just didn't care.

Eventually, when the wind had stolen all their breath, they sank to the floor and sat, backs propped against the door, watching the unfolding storm. Their hands were laid between, still clasped loosely together in both a gesture of friendship and solidarity.

The roar of the wind made conversation impossible but somehow, the sheer naked beauty of nature at its worst made any conversation pale in comparison. For a long time they sat there as the thunder rolled out across the heavens and that first bolt of lightning lit up the whole damn sky. The rain was cold. _So _cold. But their chattering teeth and stiff, numb limbs seemed worth it to witness this rage and show of a power capable of total desolation.

At some point, when the cold had stiffened his legs to the point of pins and needles, Remus stumbled to his feet and leant against the crumbling battlements to better see the roiling surface of the lake. He watched with wide eyes as the water was smashed against bank after bank, like a trapped, wild animal trying to escape its prison. The trees of the Forbidden forest were swaying, and for a moment, Remus imagined they were dancing in time to the heart of the earth.

A pair of arms slipped around his waist and he was pulled back against a warm body. Their heat mingled, easily soaking through the barely-there barrier of their somping wet shirts. Remus relaxed against him, holding Sirius' arms on his stomach. There was no words for how he felt, standing there on the top of the tower. Sirius was constant in his life. A warm, strong constant and on top of that tower, it was as though the rest of the world was no longer there and no longer existed for them to worry about. They had each other in this beautiful setting and that was all that mattered.

"Sirius," Remus said suddenly.

"What?" Sirius murmured in his ear, lips touching.

Remus paused, momentarily thrown by how intimate the gesture was and how hot Sirius' breath felt. "No," he said, "You don't get it. That's what I called Clarrissa. That's how she knew."

There was no answer at first and Remus felt his heart freeze a million times over. A part of him knew he should never have admitted it, but he also kind-a suspected that Clarrissa would tell everybody at some point. And hadn't his friends – or at least, those who used to be his friends – once told him the truth was so much sweeter when it came from his own lips? The arms around his waist were a dead weight, locking him, _trapping _him in this broken tableaux that he'd _destroyed. _

He pulled away, tugging Sirius' arms off him and finding a million excuses ready to bubble off his tongue. He turned around, part of him flinching away from the idea of seeing Sirius' furious expression.

But Sirius didn't look furious. In fact, he didn't look even remotely angry. He looked sort of – sort of confused, as though Remus had presented him with a particularly difficult perplexing riddle he expected solving right away. Sirius swallowed, staring right back at him. "Remus, I-"

The Tower-door chose that exact moment to open and Sirius' words were lost.

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**Review! **


	2. Chapter 2

**Apologies for the somewhat sudden beginning and ending. As I said, this was initially written as a one shot and therefore there are barely any natural chapter breaks.** **Also, thank-you for the reviews! This is actually one of the only pieces in which I enjoy the writing and am confident in its competence: so again, thank-you! **

**Enjoy.**

**Last Chapter: Remus and Sirius are stood on the battlements following a somewhat shocking confession from Remus.**

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James hesitated for a second and then he strode resolutely through. Sirius spun round at the sound of the slamming door. "There you are, mate! The party's growing stale without you!" James shouted cheerfully, "And you'll end up catching a cold out here – Don't blame me when the Slytherins manage to hex your knackers off."

Sirius blinked, once, twice _three times... _He glanced back at Remus and frowned ever so slightly. Then he was grinning at James and walking over to him, leaving Remus propped up against a good-for nothing battlement that had seen better centuries. The minute the two boys left, Remus found himself gasping for breath.

Stumbling towards the door – half-blinded by his tears – he somehow managed to get back to the relative safety of his bed without breaking anything. He curled up, once he was there, face screwed up against his pillow as he tried desperately to not think about the clumsy words and the even clumsier timing of them.

He fell asleep at some point, falling into dreams of Sirius and James sitting on thrones, all kingly and God-like as they whispered behind cruel hands and their eyes harsh as he pleaded with them to stop. Peter was a dog curled up at their feet, their whipping boy, their toy. Their very existence was staining and tainting James and Sirius' noble perfection and he was on his hands and knees _begging _them...

"I know I'm absolutely incredible and all that, but I maybe wouldn't go _that _far."

Remus jerked awake, eyes snapping open. "Wha-?" he mumbled, thinking the currently disembodied voice sounded like Sirius but it couldn't _possibly _be Sirius because Sirius was going to hate him, right?

"You were saying something about a king? I assumed you were talking about me." The voice was coming from the direction of the door, Remus managed to discern, and the lack of breathing or taunting meant that James and Peter were still downstairs. Ah, yes. There was the music still pounding through the floor, making the walls vibrate slightly.

Remus shrugged at Sirius' remark, thrown by how close to the truth it was. "What're you doing back up here?" he grunted, sitting up with some effort and then yawning behind his hand. Sirius was leant against the door, casually blocking both unexpected entrances and Remus' escape. His shirt was completely undone by now, the tie missing altogether. A dark shadow which looked faintly like lip-stick was smudged to one side of Sirius' lips and his eyes were a great deal more unfocussed. Remus wondered how long he'd slept for.

"I thought we should probably talk," Sirius said nonchalantly, "about what you said earlier." His tone was somewhat at odds with his tense shoulders, and crossed arms. "I don't think the dorm's such a great idea though. I think – Perhaps we should go somewhere a little less social?"

Remus nodded dumbly, a sinking feeling of irreparable and inconceivable doom settling down in the pit of his stomach and manifesting itself as a sick, over-stuffed feeling. He jerked to his feet, half-way across the room before he remembered that there was people downstairs.

"Do you trust me, Remus?"

Remus looked up at him, surprised by the question. Sirius was looking at him sincerely, grey eyes boring into his and willing him to just let go and follow Sirius unquestioningly, to let somebody close and give somebody else control for a while. Remus nodded, not trusting his throat to work properly.

"Then come on. I'll make sure nobody says anything to you – though to be honest, I think more than enough alcohol has been consumed to make them blind anyway." He gave Remus a half-grin before opening the door, "Just stay close to me, okay?"

Remus nodded and followed him down the stairs; dread and fear making each step last longer than the last. His heart was pounding away in his chest and it was all he could do to stop himself from practically climbing on top of Sirius in his need for protection.

They hurried across the Common Room; Remus with his head bent and Sirius all but snarling at anybody who so much as looked their way.

Remus did follow him unquestioningly, and it would only be later that he'd wonder why he wasn't curious as to where Sirius was actually taking him as they walked through the silent hall-ways. It wasn't until they stopped outside of a familiar looking painting and Sirius turned expectantly towards Remus, that Remus realized he'd been so zoned out on panicking that his feet had simply being moving.

He opened it without comment. The two of them slipped through and their shoulders brushed. Remus wondered if it was possible for the blush on his face to get any get any more pronounced. Sirius locked the door behind them and Remus walked towards the middle of the room hugging his arms tightly – both to hold his crumbling mind together and to ward off the damp chill that permeated the air – and then he turned around to speak. But Sirius had walked towards him by now, and they were stood closer than Remus had expected.

The words died on his tongue as the two of them stared at each other, both attempting to weigh up the atmosphere of the room and the mood of the other. Sirius' eyes were wide as though confused, his fingers twitching at his side and his chest heaving underneath his shirt. Remus couldn't help but notice the way Sirius' shoulders strained the material, and how the gaping front revealed more of the taut skin than usual.

He swallowed, tongue flicking out over his lips and suddenly Sirius was _there._ There was no hesitation, there was no momentary pause – Sirius had committed to this and fully taken the plunge. His lips pressed against Remus' and his tongue followed immediately. Remus found his hand rising to touch Sirius' cheek and then the spell broke.

They both took a step back and resumed staring at each other. The sound of their breathing echoed around the cavernous rooms, rolling off the walls and emphasised the way their hearts were racing. Remus could feel a million and one things that he wanted – needed – maybe should say, but there was something desperate in Sirius' eyes that made him keep his silence. It seemed to be an eternity before Sirius glanced down and then back up, and took a step forward. He was so close that Remus could feel the heat radiating off him. He was forced to tip his head back, to keep Sirius' eyes in sight and it was with a shiver on both parts that Sirius slid his hand up Remus' arm to rest against his neck and hold his head in place as Sirius kissed him again.

It was slow this time, a deep exploration of somewhere they'd never been before.

Part of Remus accepted that this was perhaps just experimentation on Sirius' behalf but most of him – mainly the part that had called Clarissa Sirius – was causing his body to flush and his muscles to tremble and kiss back just a little desperately. His hands were still by his side and he jumped when Sirius entwined their fingers together, stroking little tiny circles with the pad of his thumb in a strangely intimate gesture.

He pulled away again but Remus couldn't meet his eyes anymore. He found his gaze focused on Sirius' neck, found his mind imagining – like it had a thousand times before – what it would be like to kiss and taste and bite.

Sirius' hands were suddenly on his stomach, fanning out and coming to rest on his hips. Then they were stood together, so close that Remus was left with no choice but to place his hands on Sirius' chest. Seemingly on their own violation, they ran up towards Sirius' shoulders and pushed the shirt off. Remus watched that with as much fascination as Sirius did.

Sirius kissed him again and this time – his hands having developed a sudden sentience – Remus' fingers wrapped in Sirius' hair to keep him in place. Sirius' own hands had slid from his hips and were working their way up his back, pressing him closer against Sirius' body and chest. Then they were suddenly on his front, under his shirt and Remus gasped at the feel of the cool, rough skin scratching against his smooth belly.

It was oddly intimate the two of them stood there; it was as though they'd been friends one minute and then simply taken one fluid step forward and become something more. Almost as though their entire friendship – from it's shaky beginnings – had always been headed towards this point and they'd simply climbed into the shoes they were always supposed to wear.

Then his shirt had floated to the floor too and Sirius was nipping at his collar-bone, hands working at Remus' belt. Remus was shaking and trembling and pretty certain his legs wouldn't hold him for much longer. He'd waited so long, dreamt about this in so many ways that now it was actually happening, he was terrified. He fumbled with the button on Sirius' trousers, hands shaking so badly it took him a good three tries to so much as grab hold of the button between his finger and thumb. Sirius laughed at him and undid it himself, grabbing Remus' hand and pushing himself against it as though giving Remus permission. He moaned softly at the contact, eyes sliding shut even as Remus' widened at the sound that seemed so very loud in this silent room.

And Remus' hands were off on their own again and Sirius had managed to break through his belt and he was hit with the sudden realisation of what was actually happening.

Sirius' contented noises seemed to vibrate through him, shooting up and down his spine and causing the sudden jerky movement of his hips against Sirius' hand as it slid inside his fly. His breathing was irregular and odd and their noises seemed strange and alien echoed back to them as they were. Remus found his eyes were wide open, staring as he was at Sirius' face. His head was thrown back, black hair brushing the tops of his shoulder and baring the pale, vulnerable skin of his neck. His lips were parted ever so slightly, each panted breath expelled from between them.

It suddenly occurred to him that Sirius was beautiful.

And then he laughed at himself. He'd always drawn the line at stupid sentiments like that. Girls were supposed to be beautiful and soft and angels in their own right. Boys weren't. No, boys were supposed to be all rough angles and rugged and – and _handsome._ He'd always thought it rather stupid for a _boy _to be beautiful.

The sound of his laugh seemed strangely absurd and out of context, as though this act- this scene – was the Most Dire and Most Serious and he was ruining it by his casual display.

Sirius' eyes opened, and his head became level again and Remus found himself lost in Sirius' expression. His lips were still parted; bruised and swollen and his eyes... his eyes seemed so confused. If Remus hadn't been so distracted by the feel of Sirius' fingers against his flesh, he might've wondered at what else Sirius was possibly feeling and come to the conclusion that he was oddly defiant about the whole thing, as though he was trying to prove something to himself and Remus and maybe James too.

Sirius leant forward and kissed him again, tongue brushing against his before Sirius dropped his lips to Remus' neck. Panic laced through Remus' body when he felt the teeth nip against his skin. But their hands had found the _right _rhythm and he was suddenly so sure that if he interrupted Sirius – that if he so much as shifted weight from one foot to the other – then Sirius would snap out of whatever trance he was under and then this... _this _would have to stop.

And he didn't want it to stop.

He came suddenly, spilling out over Sirius' hand and realising, only a moment later, that Sirius, too, was done. He glanced down at the mess they had made and his cheeks reddened. He cleared his throat, the awkwardness pressing upon him the desire to speak and make it go away. But Sirius shook his head, mouth set in a tight line as he bent down to pick up his shirt. He handed Remus his and they both dressed in silence, cleaning themselves up and trying not to catch each other's eye.

Sirius touched Remus' arm by accident as they were about to leave and they both jumped at the action. They paused again. Sirius' eyes bored into his as they both shifted uncomfortably. Remus was aware of their proximity and Sirius' hand was resting against his wrist, burning through his skin. "You might – You might want to – to hide that," Sirius said, voice almost unnaturally loud after the silence they'd been in. He pointed at the love-bite on Remus' neck. "And look –"

"You don't need to say it."

"Need to say what?"

"That this was just an experiment; that you'd rather I didn't tell James and Peter; that you didn't actually enjoy that; that- that-"

Sirius growled and kissed him, a quick press of the lips that was more suited to a month anniversary than the first-time fumble. "_No. _If you wanna tell James and Peter, then be my guest. Rather you than me, Rem. And I think –" he flushed pink, though his eyes stayed resolutely on Remus', "I think we both enjoyed that and we'd be idiots to ignore it," he finished, voice dropping to a low whisper. "I told you before that I'd – I'd _tried _it, didn't I? It was good and – and I'd like to do it again some time. I mean – it's just, it could just be practice you know. Or – or if either of us is feeling a little bit _frustrated _it doesn't – it doesn't have to mean anything-"

"Of course not. It's just- Just an option, right?"

"Yeah," Sirius agreed, hand jumping to run nervously through his hair, parroting the sentiment without picking up on the underlying tone to Remus' voice, "Just an option."

They smiled a nervous agreement at each other before Sirius undid the lock and they slipped back outside. The castle was eerily dark and Remus wondered how long they'd spent in there. He wondered if James had noticed them both missing.

He wondered what the hell had just happened.

They walked slightly apart, as though they were afraid to touch. Remus kept glancing at Sirius from the corner of his eye, a soft smile on his lips as the voice inside his mind whispered '_beautiful'_. He kept resisting the urge to touch his lips or touch his neck, or simply to reach out and take Sirius' hand or just- just run a finger down the inside of his wrist – just to remind himself that it had been real. Real.

They paused when they finally reached the portrait. Sirius seemed oddly still, as though he was resisting something or as though he was he having to be calm when he was anything but. Remus swallowed nervously, well aware of what the look in Sirius' eye meant. He blinked and looked away, focusing instead on the Pink Lady drooling in her chair. He waited for Sirius to speak.


End file.
